Thanks But No Thanks

“I would like to thank you for . . . .” Whatever. “. . . helping me cross the street . . . .” or “ . . . taking the time to interview me . . . .” and so on. What strange phenomenon do all these expressions of gratitude have in common? In not one of them does the writer or speaker express gratitude. Instead, the individual acknowledges that the recipient has earned gratitude, but the writer or speaker is unable to express it right now, for reasons undeclared; e.g., “I would like to thank you for helping me cross the street, but I can’t right now, because you led me to a congregation of hungry alligators as opposed to the religious congregation I was looking for.” You should know (if you don’t already) that “I would like to . . . .” is an example of the conditional mood, through which a writer or speaker indicates the condition needed for something to happen; e.g., “Were it not for the fact that I have to fend off seven or eight starving alligators now chewing on my leg, I’d be able to thank you.” As it so happens, it’s not that difficult to modify your language choices to make your intent clear. In the case of gratitude, for example, you’d say, easily enough, “Thank you for . . . .” whatever.

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